Balance

God and life.

I've been finding that as I'm getting older and am really looking for, paying attention to and have been super thankful for the blessings that I've received through prayer, that I get nervous afterwards. What do you mean, Bianca?

First, I know that God doesn't give me anything to sin with it. So in my steadfast prayers of love and family, I often feel the pressures of sin and God taking it away because of my weakness. That really freaks me out. I catch myself thinking, well this person doesn't even believe in God and look at how God blesses them, but I know better and that's what separates me from everyone else. I also shouldn't be comparing the way things are happening for me vs others around me (but I will admit that it's extremely hard when people love to share their good news and the constant overshare culture that we live in, almost makes you feel like you have to announce all the good things that God has given you.)

Secondly, once I've given my blessings, I sometimes find myself no longer in that place of need from God. That also really freaks me out. I don't want to put the happiness from the blessing in front of God. Because then I feel like God will take it away, that the happiness will be short lived. It's so easy for me to put God in the backseat, even if it's just for a minute, to enjoy the thing I prayed so hard about. 

I'm trying to find a balance. Making sure that I'm genuine with my worship and relationship with God as well as enjoy the happiness and blessings that He gives me. I find that whenever I'm in a place of unhappiness, was it because I wasn't doing what I am supposed to be doing?

It's hard at times for me. I don't want to be the reason why I'm unhappy or not receiving blessings. It's hard for me to watch others get the things I desire while knowing that they don't even acknowledge God. I know that my battle is different than others but I'm just trying to make sure I do everything right so I can feel balanced happiness. From receiving blessings and obeying God.

What do you think?