Giving you the best that I've got

I'm in the dog house.

I'm just feeling a wave of emotions right now. Nothing is the same. Everything has been shaken and changed and I don't understand why I'm going through these things back to back on top of trying to understand my emotions enough to control them.

I belong in the dog house.

This time around, I put myself there. I knew what I did was wrong but I just didn't care. I felt like it was revenge to some degree. The disregard that I often feel needed to be vindicated, or so I thought. I don't want things or people to make me feel and behave this way anymore.

Last night, I hung out with a friend who always inspires me to be better. We kicked it until about 2:30pm today, just talking and building as he would say and it was beautiful. I felt like I was finally being seen. I didn't feel like I was fighting for attention, I felt engulfed and appreciated. I didn't feel petty or the need to play a game. It's always so nice to be around people like that. It was the kind of action that I pray to receive.

Before you can be a (true) lover, you have to first be a true friend. Where is the friendship? I don't like being reminded of what I am not and I don't understand not speaking to someone that you truly enjoy speaking to.

I'm just drained.
I tap out.