.Girls.

HBO has done it again.

It has captured my heart with yet another series.

"Girls" is written and directed by Lena Dunham and it shows exactly what women my age go through. I mean we all aren't living in NYC with writer dreams, but we all can relate to these girls in some form or another.

Last night I caught up on some missed episodes on demand and watched "Hannah's Diary". There was a scene where Hannah was telling Adam (the guy that she's sleeping with but not dating nor is in a relationship with) that she's tired of feeling like she's made everything up and feeling pathetic. She's tired of the games. I wish I had the direct quote of the entire scene but below will have to suffice.

"Hannah: I'm not asking you for anything. I'm really not asking you for anything. I've never asked you for anything, and I don't even want anything. I respect your right to see and do whoever you want. I don't even want a boyfriend.
Adam: What do you want? 
Hannah: I just want someone who wants to hang out all of the time, who thinks I'm the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me. And it makes me feel very stupid to tell you this because it makes me sound like a girl who wants to, like, go to brunch. And I really don't want to go to brunch, and I don't want you to sit on the couch while I shop or even meet my friends. I don't even want that."

Oh how I desperately wanted Hannah to say that she in fact wants Adam to be her boyfriend.

WHY CAN'T WOMEN JUST SAY WHAT THEY WANT?! ugh it is so annoying and one of the things I can't stand about myself. We get so wrapped up in the thought of the man and actually keeping them around no matter what we sacrifice and in any kind of way, that we put aside what it is that we really want. They tell us what they want and we give it to them. We tell them what we want and they say they don't want it and they apologize for it and that's that.

Crazy because I've found myself in the same exact shoes that Hannah was in. Telling a guy that she wants to be with that she doesn't want a boyfriend. Just so that she can still get to spend time with him in whatever sick twisted way he sees that fits him. She even called herself pathetic. A word that I recently admitted to using right here on my blog. Crazy! I found it a bit relieving to see that I'm not the only one who behaves or behaved that way. But at the same time it really does feel pathetic to see the situation for yourself. See it happening to someone else.

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I want a boyfriend. Not just any guy though. I don't want go months without knowing. "I want someone who wants to hang out all of the time and who thinks I'm the best person in the world." I thought that was possible without being together but I was told differently. I thought that I could get that without the title. Somehow I've learned and accepted that a title isn't necessary if the feelings are there. Where in the world did I get this from? A title is in fact necessary if feelings are there. Why? Because you will be reminded that you are not his girlfriend. That it was waste to have invested so much time in someone who doesn't ever see themselves being in a serious relationship with you no matter what you gave them physically or emotionally.

Hannah you should have told him you want a boyfriend out of him and if that's not what he wants, then it's over.

"I want a boyfriend out of you and if that's not what you want, then it's over."