.i don't deserve you.

.today my ex boyfriend from the summer (lol sounds so funny to type) had reached out to me. he's such a good guy and i still feel bad that i'm not attracted to him as i should be. it was nice to hear from him. i miss our conversations and the way he makes me laugh. the fact that we had an actual conversation and he's attentive. well not as he used to be. and that's probably only because now he doesn't have a reason to be. he really treated me like gold. and i just wasn't attracted. smh. i'm not shallow but looks really mean a lot. i wish they didn't though. i'd probably be super happy if they didn't.


`i thought about all of the people that i used to like or date and it's like wow. there was a point where i didn't think i'd be ok and content with not hearing from them and here i am. i accept that it's over and that this is what's supposed to be. i didn't deserve them anyways. yeah i'm a good girl but i don't want to get in the way and stop them from anything. and i definitely didn't want to play with their minds anymore. that part wasn't fun. but some guys just fall really fast. while others don't fall at all.