.oh so close but yet so far.

long distance anything is sooo tough.

i'm not just talking about relationships as in the person that you are seeing and spending time with, i also mean friendships and relationships with your family members. it's such a hard thing for me every year because everything changes. sometimes i can't wait to go to school and say see you later to some people and then it's others that i don't' want to say to bye to. it's not that i can't do it, but it's getting old. i've been here at home for so long now and it's time to change everything up. my whole lifestyle changes. i mean i do enjoy being on my own and my apartment and coming and going. i like the whole independence feeling. i adore being on my own and doing things. it makes me feel like this is real life and i'm doing it. i'm not a child.

`im just at the place where i'm tired of putting things on hold with everyone in my life. i put friendships at home on hold when i leave for 4 months at a time and then i do the same to my friends at school. and next year there won't be any going back and it's a whole new experience of life. it's so hard. i miss out on my little sister's growing up and i hate that the most. i'm going to miss parts of my nephew's life and that sucks. i feel like i'm not there for people. how can i expect things to be all peachy when i'm missing. everyone goes back to their normal life and it's hard to balance someone in there just by talking to them sporadically on the phone or through the internet. being there and spending time is a major element to any relationship and when it's not there it all sucks. :(