.Hey Mama.

.yesterday, January 18, 2010 my mom's bestfriend, Jermaine Patterson, died from a very long battle with cancer. she left behind two children, one is in her 20s with a family and the other just turned 18 not even a month ago. she fought cancer for many years and her main reason for fighting was to see her son graduate from highschool. he graduates in 5 months. my little sister called me with the news first and told me how my mom was doing. my mom recently spent christmas and new years with her bestfriend because she feared that she wouldn't be able to see another christmas and new years. i was sad that my mom had to leave me alone on christmas and new years but i understood. she had to be there for the person that she loved. my mom is taking this very bad because she was recently with her and the day before she passed she called for my mom to come back to california and spend more time with her. but all i could think about was Vinny. he hasn't spoken. and i can't imagine how he's feeling especially with him being 18 years old. and his mom wasn't even 50 yet. and thinking about him has made me start to think about myself and my mom.

`i'm sure there are things that he wishes that he could take back, things that he said when he shouldn't have. and i know that there are feelings that i've had towards my mom and instances where i've said some things that i shouldn't have about her or to her. and i am so deeply sorry for that. i can't imagine living right now without my mom here for me. she's so important to my life. she brought me into this world, we were one at one point in my life. and to not be able to see her, to touch her would be hard for me. especially now while i'm so young. i really love my mom.